Internet Inspiration – June 28, 2013

This is ZZ Ward, and she’s my new favorite. I just can’t get enough.

This takes Tic-Tac-Toe to a whole. ‘notha. level.

“You’ve shown me the type of person you are and I will adjust my expectations and behavior accordingly.” Wise advice from Sarah von.

I’ve pretty much decided that the most wonderful, easy summer meal is descended from a greek salad. The main players area always cucumber and feta, and then I throw in anything else in my refrigerator. Last night it was cucumber, feta, apple, pine nuts, and strawberries. Use olive oil and lemon juice, or olive oil and apple cider vinegar, plus salt and pepper, to season. Nom nom nom. Here is a suggested recipe for blueberry and cucumber salad, and here is a possibly delicious blueberry cucumber smoothie.

Stunningly beautiful, unphotoshopped pictures of a yogi. “I had set out to reveal the ugly sides of myself, but in shot after shot, all I could find was beauty.  It occurred to me that I could easily take a photo of myself at my worst—we all could.

But even on my worst days, while ugly is how I might feel, it is never who I am.

Doing an “ugly” photoshoot would be just as distorted as doing a shoot where my “beauty” was photoshopped in.

The beauty of this shoot is that it captured all sides of me and while some sides admittedly made me cringe, others absolutely took my breath away (see full slideshow below). For the first time ever on a shoot, I was able to completely let go of all self-consciousness and get really comfortable in my own skin. It dawned on me as I posed unabashedly next to a soft and curved statue of Venus, that my flaws were part of what made me an exquisite work of art.”

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Have a great weekend!

Why I Love Exercising

I think my big challenge for 2013 is to get comfortable with my emotions. For most of my life I think I’ve been in the habit of suppressing my emotions, trying to keep them in a “normal” range. And that kept me out of a depression zone, but it also kept me out of a euphoric zone. And, in the end, it didn’t actually keep me out of a depression zone.

My emotions, especially the ones related to sadness, anger, guilt, and shame, are scary to me. It scares me that sometimes they just come out of nowhere. It scares me how intense they are when they do come on, like an undertow in the ocean that can sweep you out to sea. And sometimes I fear that my emotions are a bottomless pit of despair, that if I allow myself to feel what I’m feeling, that I’ll never escape to normalcy, much less happiness, again.

But historically, none of those things have been true. I’ve always found happiness, even in slivers and pieces. My anger has never fully consumed me into a hate-filled, violent machine. Those emotions just needed to be expressed. And I did myself a major disservice by trying to rationalize them, or trying to censor them into some shadow of an expression.

So it’s been interesting over the past few weeks as I’ve been improving at CrossFit and weightlifting workouts. My body seems to be remembering what it feels like to be an athlete and to push itself. I love the feeling of being strong, I love the ease of mobility that comes from moving my body all day long.

One weekend my brother (and trainer) left town for a weekend getaway with his friends and fiancee. He left me a workout to do, which was a 20 minute weightlifting circuit of 3 reps Overhead Squats on the odd minutes, and 5 reps Pendlay Rows on the even minutes. Afterwards he created a quick CrossFit workout of 5 rounds for time of: 5 Double Unders, 10 Wall Balls, 15 Push Ups, and 20 Sit Ups.

The weightlifting was enjoyable and manageable, but the CrossFit workout kicked my butt. I’m can’t do double unders, I’m not very efficient at wall balls, and I have to do push ups on my knees (at least for that volume). During the second round I was desperate to quit, and told myself, “Ok, I’ll just do three rounds and then call it a day. No worries. Just finish this round and one more.” But at the end of the third round a voice came into my head saying, “Come on, Katie Pie, we can do this whole workout. Let’s get it!”

Katie Pie is the only nickname I’ve ever had in my life, and my mom is the only person that calls me that. We can talk about nicknames another day, I guess, but in this instance, some subconscious body wisdom had chosen to use the nickname to encourage me, and to express its solidarity.

For the first two rounds of this workout, I was completely in my head, and my head was not at all enjoying this bodily experience. I wanted to escape. Just get it over with, and get me out of here. But my body was trying to tell me something different. It loved the effort. It loved the push. It understood every emotion happening in my brain, and it asked for surrender, to just let it all happen and find some new boundaries.

And that’s where exercise fits into my philosophy. Forget getting the perfect body or burning off dessert. Exercise gives you a connection to your body. And, in turn, your body provides you with an anchor on which to hold while emotions are swirling around like a most tumultuous storm. I love exercises like yoga, running, and dancing to connect to my body. And I love exercise like rowing, weightlifting, and CrossFit to push the edge and reaffirm the commitment between my mind and my body. When I push beyond the edge my mind sees, I know that my body will catch me, and then we can grow together.

But What If I HATE My Body? 3 Strategies to Help

Body shaming. Low self-esteem. Sometimes you look in the mirror and hate what you see. Or you put on clothes and hate everything. We’ve all been there. Some of us are still there.

And if you want to change, I want to help you change. I want you to get where you want to go, and I want you to be radiantly happy in your life. It doesn’t really matter what your end result looks like, but it’s probable that our methods for getting you there will vary.

You may currently be in the habit of shaming your body, hating it in the hopes that it just doesn’t know it’s not wanted the way it is. Like one day it’ll finally hear you and say, “Oh shoot, I was only in this form because I thought you liked it. Let me edit myself.” To try and send it the message, you restrict what you eat, or judge yourself for what you eat. Maybe you exercise in ways you don’t enjoy because it burns a certain number of calories. You may insult yourself when you look in the mirror, or put yourself down around friends. You may interpret the looks you get from friends and strangers to be judgmental and mean.

I think that’s damaging. Like, when you were a little kid and you got yelled at for doing something, did it help you learn or change? Maybe you learned, but I think you didn’t learn what you were supposed to, you just figured out how to not get in trouble. If I was getting yelled at, or pushed around, I’d do whatever it took to get out of that situation pronto. But when people took the time to lovingly explain things to me, I never forgot. And I was inspired to do better. And try new things. I knew I was in a safe zone.

So for all of you who can’t seem to shake the diatribes in your head, I have 3 strategies that may help you start to not hate your body right now.

1) Get naked.

Peeps. It’s summer. You know you want to be naked anyway. Get on it. Start doing chores naked. Cook naked. Read naked. For goodness’s sake, sleep naked. If you have privacy outside, sunbathe NAKED! If you live with people, it’s fine to wait until they’re out of the house. I live by myself, which makes it ok for me to be naked all the time. Although, maybe when I know you better I’ll tell you a funny story about roommates that were supposed to be gone for the whole day and definitely weren’t.

The point is, sometimes when you’re doing something while naked, it’s easier to lose yourself in the task and not get swept away in the discomfort. Be advised, the first five minutes or so you may be super aware of your body. But persevere, my friends! Commit to 20 minutes a day of deliberate naked time. Try singing. Or dancing.

Get accustomed to yourself again. When you return to your clothes, you might feel even more comfortable in clothes just by virtue of not being so vulnerable in nudity. Or maybe you’ll be addicted to naked time, like me :)

2) Try self-massage.

I think that a lot of times discomfort with the body shows up because there’s a separation between What Is and What You Expect. You look at yourself in the mirror, and some part of you doesn’t recognize it as yourself. That happens to me every time I see a grey hair or a wrinkle. I don’t hate them, but I don’t recognize myself as a person with grey hair and wrinkles (I’m 27).

So again, get accustomed to yourself. Find some oil (my faves are avocado and coconut oil), add some fragrance (rose or lavender or cinnamon essential oils are nice), or choose a lotion, and pick a body part that you’ll just touch for 20 minutes or so. One day do your inner thighs. The next day massage your breasts. Then the following day give your belly some love.

There’s no wrong way to do this. Just do what feels nice. Pretend there’s a baby in your belly that you’re talking to, or massage your breasts the way a lover might touch you. Smush everything around like play dough. Just do it. Commit to a month of loving moisturization and massage. If nothing else, your skin will thank you.

3) Declare a cease-fire.

If nothing else, stop saying mean things to your body. If you can’t love it, don’t love it. But start with the respect of not destroying it with nasty words. Just say, “I respect you.” You could even say, “Legs, I don’t love you. But I respect you for letting me walk.” or, “Breasts, I don’t love you. But I promise to respect you.” Or don’t say anything at all. But start with respect.

Then, when you’re ready, see if you can accept your body. You already respect it, can you accept it just as it is? I think this is what people mean when they use the phrase “agree to disagree.” I respect you, and I accept you for what you are, even if I don’t like it or don’t think the same. Give your body that.

Lastly, as you’re ready, try love on for size. This may be a hard one, and it may come in bits and pieces, but look at yourself and say, “I already respect you, and I accept what you are and how you look. Maybe today I can love my elbows? Maybe my face? Maybe my hips? Feet?” There’s no judgment here. You already respect and accept your body, which is a heck of a lot better than hating on it all the time. Invite love. No rush.

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So those are my three tips that have worked for me in learning to love my body. Give them a go and let me know how you do.

Love, Kathryn

Internet Inspiration – June 21, 2013

Such a sweet gesture. Makes me wish I could give with such pizzazz!

51 Paleo snacks. Nom nom nom. Even if you’re not paleo, these look delicious!

And since we’re talking about food, here are some excellent salad recipes.

I consider myself quite a prolific reader, and I’m almost ashamed to tell you that I’ve only read 5 of the recommended books on this list of Books to Read in Your 20s.

I have the most wonderful apartment, and I want to decorate all the walls with art. Here is my newest fave artist. I want all the artwork by this artist, especially Margaret, Ada, Rosa, Kathy, Peggy, and Jools.

Loved this post by Henry Rollins on Iron and the Soul. “It took me years to fully appreciate the value of the lessons I have learned from the Iron. I used to think that it was my adversary, that I was trying to lift that which does not want to be lifted. I was wrong. When the Iron doesn’t want to come off the mat, it’s the kindest thing it can do for you. If it flew up and went through the ceiling, it wouldn’t teach you anything. That’s the way the Iron talks to you. It tells you that the material you work with is that which you will come to resemble. That which you work against will always work against you.”

This is a very beautiful article about 11 ways salsa dancing made this person a better man. As a woman (follower), I think his observations are spot-on and sexy as hell. I especially love how he discusses the ways he surrenders to the music, and how he creates space for the woman to surrender.

My Mother was an Underground Railroad for Abused Women. [via SometimesSweet]

The Full Moon horoscopes are up! KV is the woman!!

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Have a great weekend!

Internet Inspiration – June 14, 2013

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this room makeover by Emily! I want to copy it in my house! And what a beautiful, deserving recipient!

Gender swapped Lord of the Rings casting? Perfect.

“WHAT MUST LIVE? …. When we think about what must be given life in our lives, we make decisions. Sometimes, something or someone can’t be in our life anymore, for it/they for some reason create an environment hostile to the fragile sprout-of-an-energy that we are now trying to let grow. As we say goodbye, I’m learning, let it be loving. It’s likely that our past (whatever it might be) truly wishes us to feel strong, free, and loving as well. It ain’t no one’s fault.” – wise words from Molly

I don’t really want to make this chicken, but I DO want to have this honey mustard dip. Has anyone ever had Philly soft pretzels? They go SO GREAT with honey mustard.

“…the dual reward system of the brain. One is the Reactive Reward System, which involves an immediate seeking of pleasure without much thought or reflection. (This is what’s activated during addiction.) The second is the Reflective Reward System, which enables the individual to stop and reflect on long-term goals and potential consequences before taking action. Recovery from addiction is thought to be an activating of the Reflective Reward System.” – A beautiful, eloquent article about how running helped this man recover from substance abuse.

Check out this list of recommended movies and TV shows on Netflix for the summer. I managed to get myself hooked on Friday Night Lights, but these look good too!

First of all, I had no idea there was such a thing as temporary wall paper. And secondly, yes, I do want it. This Katarina pattern, especially. Gala has this to say about the hip chick that chooses this pattern, “Even though she had travelled far and wide, met the Dalai Lama and obtained her Master’s degree, her favourite thing to do was close her eyes, hold out her arms and spin in circles.”

If ever you need a guru for positive body image and personal style, look no further than Sally McGraw. I love her suggestions for gentle ways to redirect body bashing conversations. “Body bashing is socially sanctioned in much of Western culture, so these conversations often feel as commonplace and innocuous as discussions of the weather. Pausing that cycle and requesting more information – even forcing participants to examine their own feelings and motivations – can help change the roadmap.”

Because Hermione Granger was the best character in the Harry Potter series. You’re welcome.

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Have a great weekend!

Where You Invest Your Love, You Invest Your Life

I’m re-reading Eat, Pray, Love. If you haven’t read it, please do so (and don’t judge this book by its movie) and watch Elizabeth Gilbert’s TED talk while you’re at it. She speaks my language in a way that few people can. And pretty much every part of my copy is annotated, underlined, or highlighted.

If you recall, the first leg of her yearlong journey is to Italy, where she rediscovers pleasure. I was reading along, enjoying her witty style of writing, when I stopped short at this passage: “For me, though, a major obstacle in my pursuit of pleasure was my ingrained sense of Puritan guilt. Do I really deserve this pleasure? This is very American, too–the insecurity about whether we have earned our happiness.” [emphasis mine] **

For how true is that statement? We do believe we need to earn it. And not only that, we believe that we need to publicly earn it, or we’ll have to spend our entire lives justifying our pleasure. We have to be “perfect” and “do it all” in order to be worthy of… anything. And that pursuit of perfection becomes our chief motivation in life, at the expense of our intuition and personal needs.

Can you imagine the stress your body is under? It tells you what it needs, and you say No. You say no, usually with some societal norm as a justification. No, I can’t go to sleep at 9pm, I need to finish this reading so I get a perfect score on this test. No, I can’t skip my workout today, I need to burn off these calories so I have a perfect body. No, I can’t eat guacamole, it’ll go straight to my hips and I won’t be beautiful. No, I can’t quit this job, I need money and there’s no other way to make it. No, I can’t refuse to volunteer for the PTA, I have to say yes so other people will thing I’m a “good parent” and can “do it all”.

Your body doesn’t know the rules of a successful member of society. It doesn’t necessarily know that it’s supposed to look a certain way because magazines says it’s supposed to. It only knows what it needs to function and survive. And when you diminish your body’s truth by shoving it into a cookie cutter mold, you will always feel out of touch, like something’s missing. And you’ll need more and more outside validation. And resentment builds. You resent your body for not being perfect, and your body resents you for not fulfilling its needs.

I have a new paradigm to propose, said beautifully by the poet Hafiz:

My loves, the relationship you have with your body is the most important one of your entire life. You’ve earned the right to listen to and honor your body. Your body has earned the right to a voice. You are the Queen or King of your life, and if you need something that isn’t within the “normal” realm of What People Do, who cares? You’re in charge! Cultivate a new normal.

I challenge you to really listen to your body this week. Make it a conversation. Take a note from Jena la Flamme‘s book and talk to your body about what it wants to eat, then tell it what you want to eat, and come to an agreement. If you’ve got a to-do list longer than your arm, pick your favorite one randomly, and do it until it’s no longer fun. Then stop, and move on to something else. Make like Leo and just do one thing. One ridiculously, laughably small step. In fact, the more you can laugh about it, the better. 

Maybe you don’t love your body yet. That’s ok. You might not have loved your significant other immediately. I’m pretty sure I hated my now best friends for several months before I even tried to get to know them. If love is too big a leap, start with respect. Give your body the respect of a voice at the table. Then you can move to acceptance, when you get to know your body a little better. And eventually, love will come.

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“In these bodies we will live,

In these bodies we will die,

Where you invest your love,

You invest your life.”

– Mumford & Sons “Awake My Soul”

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**  For those that haven’t memorized this passage in the book, I want to give you the whole thing because it’s so good. Italians understand.

“For me, though, a major obstacle in my pursuit of pleasure was my ingrained sense of Puritan guilt. Do I really deserve this pleasure? This is very American, too—-the insecurity about whether we have earned our happiness. Planet Advertising in America orbits completely around the need to convince the uncertain consumer that yes, you have actually warranted a special treat. This Bud’s for You! You Deserve a Break Today! Because You’re Worth It! You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby! And the insecure consumer thinks, Yeah! Thanks! I am gonna go buy a six-pack, damn it! Maybe even two six-packs! And then comes the reactionary binge. Followed by the remorse. Such advertising campaigns would probably not be as effective in the Italian culture, where people already know that they are entitled to enjoyment in this life. The reply in Italy to “You Deserve a Break Today” would probably be, Yeah, no duh. That’s why I’m planning on taking a break at noon, to go over to your house and sleep with your wife.” [Eat Pray Love pg 62]

Internet Inspiration – June 7, 2013

Pema is the most wonderful teacher. This is the truth.

Peeps, I finally found the headboards that could convince me to buy monochrome sheets and duvet covers. And while I’m drawn to the fuschia ones, I have a sneaking suspicion that if I ever moved in with a guy, it would have to go. So I may end up with teal or white.

A beautiful piece on the deeper implications of our psoas muscle. And while we’re on the topic, I love all of her articles.

Loved this article about 6 bodily tissues that can be regenerated through nutrition.

I really admire how open Jasmine Star was with a client when explaining her fees and what she offers. I’ve long admired her work, but I also really admire her authenticity in every post.

“I don’t have all the answers, but radical self love — in all its guises, from style to spirituality, and lovers to life choices — is my cause. It’s my mission. For as long as I live, I want to show women that they have options; that pursuing their passions should be the rule, not the exception.” Preach it, Gala!

I love all the ideas Sarah came up with for Things to Do This Summer. I want to do all of them!

Omnomnom. I definitely want to try this Sugar-Free Barbeque Pulled Pork this summer. Maybe when my family comes to town for the Zac Brown Band concert.

I really love these monochrome pictures from David Benjamin Sherry. What a unique way to capture nature! [via Hommemaker]

Have a great weekend!

On Superpowers

Last night I attended an end of the year banquet for the rowing team I coach. Weeks ago I made sure to tell the board I wanted to present my kids with awards, and then of course I blanked on what I wanted to say.

Typically, awards go something like, “Most Valuable Player” or “Fastest Runner.” In crew, they might be, “Best Technique,” “Best Starboard Rower,” “Best Port Rower,” or something like that.

We figure out the top attributes (for the sport, for the job, for the relationship) and try and fit people into that. But the problem is, these awards can reduce a person down to one “desirable” attribute that happens to be great for the situation. What about everything ELSE someone has to offer? What if nobody embodies the desired attributes?

But I think I found a solution for my kids: I decided to name their superpowers. I took inspiration (and one listed superpower) from this post by Havi. In my mind, naming a superpower just means highlighting one thing someone is particularly adept at, something I admire. It doesn’t reduce them to that one attribute, it calls attention to one facet.

I have one girl that has the superpower of Discerning Taste. She’s the one I look to at the end of every practice to see if I did an ok job. Every practice she shows up totally psyched to row, as though every practice is a the first, most exciting practice she’s ever been to. And then it’s up to me to deliver on her expectations. If I look over and she’s got an angry face, I know I need to do a better job explaining, or get back to the fun stuff. But if she’s thrilled at the end of practice, I can hang my hat on that day and call it a job well done.

One of the guys has the superpower of Eidetic Memory. I swear, all I need to do is tell him something once, or show him something once, and he just does it perfectly. One day he was injured so he sat in the motorboat with me and just… watched the other guys learn a totally new rowing technique. I jokingly asked him at the end of practice if he’d be ready to race by next time, and he said, totally seriously, “Yes. All I need is to see it once and then I remember it.” And friends, he lived up to his word. The next practice he was golden, and only needed slight finesse corrections.

I’m going to give one girl the award for being Spring Incarnate. I can’t even believe the girl that showed up to the last few weeks of practice is the same person I met in the winter. This new girl lights up when she thinks about the boats that she wants to row, and glows when I give her a new challenge. She is everything we love to see in this sport, when someone really gets it and works at it, coaching themselves. And the rest of the world responds to her. Everyone blossoms when they’re in a boat with her, everything she touches flourishes.

For me, there’s no competition here. All of these kids have facets of these superpowers, and they all have so much going for them. If they decide they like the sound of someone else’s superpower, they can claim it. I’ll back them up. I hope they see how much they have going for them. Sometimes you need external validation, and I really think that’s ok. Because even if you have good self-image, you may still be seeing yourself in just one way, and it’s helpful to have someone reflect back something that’s totally outside your opinions of yourself.

Another nice thing about recognizing people’s superpowers, large and small, is that you can invoke them for yourself and try them on. One of my girls has the ability to Sparkle on Command. Seriously. I think I only saw her “down” once, but when it came time to row, she just flipped a switch and became her vibrant, charismatic, sparkly self. Amazing. How would my life be different if I just invoked the superpower of Sparkling on Command? How would I behave differently around other people?

Or with regard to the boy with Eidetic Memory. Maybe I wouldn’t be diagnosed with Eidetic Memory in real life, but what if I invoked that power and realized that I already have all the answers I need, it’s just a matter of remembering the right one? There would be no such thing as an insurmountable problem, just a mild memory blank.

Here’s the full list of Superpowers I named in my kids:

– Being Practically Perfect in Every Way [like Mary Poppins!]

– Being Spring Incarnate

– Distinguishing Taste

– Sparkling on Command

– Flourishing in Wide Open Spaces

– Undaunted Courage and Good Cheer

– Shapeshifting

– Being the Eye of the Storm

– Eidetic Memory

– Unleashing Beast Mode in the Boat

– Being Pine-Richland’s MacGyver

This week, make a list of some of your superpowers. If you can’t think of any, write to me, and I’ll come up with some. Or come up with some superpowers that you want to have, and try them on for the week.

Caring for Yourself is Not a Zero-Sum Game

I… don’t quite know why I thought of this today. But it’s true. And it came into my brain, so maybe it needs to be said.

Your relationship with yourself is possibly the most important relationship you will ever cultivate. Insist on yourself.

You deserve to be well cared for, you deserved to be happy and fulfilled in your life. And there are so many ways this can manifest, all you have to do is pick the ways that work for you. All the solutions people come up with are true. If they resonate as true for you, let them in. If they don’t, trust that it’s still the truth, just for another person.

But I think people put others ahead of themselves because that’s the “right” thing to do. And maybe because they experience their energy and attention and needs as finite. If you take an hour to have a massage, that’s one hour that you’re not providing care for your kids or spouse or career. “If I win,” you think, “you lose.” And I think on a conscious level that’s true; you only have so many hours in the day, and so many things you can focus on at once.

Many people may also worry that their depth of desire for self-care is actually a bottomless pit, that if you start giving in to what you need, you’ll never stop, and you’ll descend into a spiral of gluttony, greed, and sloth. And you won’t care for anything or anyone else, and they will have to fend for themselves but of course they can’t fend for themselves as well as you can fend for them, and very quickly the entire Earth will fall directly into the Sun, all because you decided to sleep an extra hour today.

But maybe that’s not true. Maybe you have infinite energy and focus. Maybe you have infinite influence. Maybe you can focus on one thing and other things will continue functioning. Like if you cut yourself, and you wash off the cut and put on some Neosporin, and then you just leave it alone. Did you heal yourself? Or did you set up the conditions so that your body could just do its own thing?

Are you familiar with the theory of wave-particle duality? It’s one of my favorite things I ever learned. It posits that if you observe a particle, meaning focus on it, it appears as a particle, a dot in space. But when you take your eyes away, that particle can literally be in an infinite number of places at once, and appears as a continuous, infinite wave. Can you imagine? We see a particle when we look, but when our back is turned, that particle is nothing but a wave of possibility.

Think of self-care as a starting point for that wave of possibility. You know what you’re doing in the moment you’re caring for yourself, but once it’s finished, let it go, and let it radiate out. It may impact more areas of your life than you expect.

I’ll leave you with a quotation I love, and a blog post that expands on this topic: